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Even the children get older, and I am getting older, too.

4th June 2018

This one, is a strange one for me to write about. I am just a few days away from turning 30 years old. Growing up, I always thought 30 was so old and by the time I had reached 30, I would have my life completely worked out, I would be exactly were I wanted  to be in life - that just isn't how things have worked out.

30 years, 360 months or 15768000 minutes of life. Its funny how in the time that has passed, it really feels like no time has passed at all, its a cliche but its gone in the blink of an eye, all that time. I always had an irrational fear of leaving my 20's behind - but why?

My 20's taught me some tough lessons that the people you love most in the world will let you down and you will let down the people you love the most, it taught me humility, heartbreak, profound sadness and for the vast majority of 'the best years of my life' I felt entirely uncomfortable in my own skin, like I was just out of step. So why did I have this paralysing fear of no longer being a 'care free' 20 something.

I think its the notion that whilst you are still in your 20's it is acceptable to society and everyone in between not to have everything worked out, but the minute you hit 30 - the life questions start rolling in, when are you doing this, should you not have done this by now,  oh you better watch time is marching on. 

Yet for the first time in my life, I feel entirely comfortable with who I am and who I am not, and who I will never be. I don't feel the need to conform anymore, I don't feel I need to prove anything to anyone but myself.  I have the most amazing people around me, my family and the best friends I could ever have wished for.

I am happy to close the doors on the past decade, I am leaving a lot of things in that rollercoaster of a chapter. When I think about, people who started this chapter with me, did not get to finish it with me, and that will always be a bitter pill to swallow - but regardless of that, my 20s were filled with fun, excitement, lifelong bonds forged, new life, true happiness and most importantly love.

Maybe that is what your 20's are for, to break you down, in order to re build a better, kinder, stronger and wiser version of yourself.

As I bid a bittersweet yet fond goodbye to the past 10 years, I cant wait to see what the next 10 years brings and how lucky I am to be able to enter into a new chapter, with all the people who mean the most to me in this world by my side.

Until next time (when I am officially a 30 year old).

Lettie xo

Ps - Obviously ill be partying like I am still 22 to celebrate ;)

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